i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
