please come you make the beer taste better
can u get pink eye on your cock?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
