yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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