I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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