My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
