I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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