he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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