im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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