Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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