I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
