I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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