you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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