Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
