After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
