i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
