Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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