I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
