i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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