How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I woke up under a house in Key West
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
