Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
