What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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