And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
