if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
