apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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