I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
