I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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