grandma shit on top of the toilet
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
