There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
