in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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