A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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