in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
