Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
