I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
