Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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