roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
