Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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