i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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