Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
