just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
