can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
