Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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