We won't sleep together?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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