Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
