no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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