were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
