I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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