Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
