i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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