Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
