but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
