She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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