i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
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