honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
