Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
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Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
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You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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