Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize