I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
