You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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