Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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