Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
