If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
