i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Randomize
