I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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