I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
