Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
