I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
