I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
