I CAN MOONWALK!
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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