Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
