my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
