Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
