I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
