why didn't you poke me back
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
