Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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