Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
