I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
