I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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